Alone Wolf
by blondie1369
Summary: Finally his friends had all left him, like he always feared. Three dead, another their murderer. Remus POV following James and Lily's death.
1. Peter

**A/N: I don't own Harry Potter, I do, however, own these words.**

**This is sort of a spin off of my He Laughed story. Except with Remus' POV. All reviews welcome. **

Dead. James dead. Lily dead. Peter dead. They were all dead. He stared at the bottle of firewhisky on the table. Didn't look up as Dumbledore explained to the shocked people around him that it had been one of their own. All along; one of the order. He felt the looks and gazes. Felt the pity. But he refused to meet anyone's eyes.

He remained after everyone had left. He couldn't move. Couldn't speak. Couldn't think of anything but them. James, Lily, Peter. Their names repeating like a mantra. James, Lily, Peter. All Sirius' victims

"Oh Sirius. What have you done?" He murmured, finally giving in and pouring himself a glass. Drinking alone.

Alone was what he was now. His friends had finally left him like he had always feared they would. But they'd gone where he couldn't follow. James beaming face. Lily's sweet smile. Peter's eager adoration. All gone in the whisper of a moment.

James had trusted Sirius. Trusted him beyond all others. Trusted him with the most important thing in his life: his family.

Remus tried to shut out the images which swam infront of his eyes. James trying to be brave, sacrificing himself for his wife and son. He wondered if it had dawned on James in the final moments of his life how Voldermort had found them.

He hoped he hadn't had time to fully realise that he had been betrayed by the man he loved like a brother. And that not just he, but his wife and child would die because of that man. The man he had trusted above all others. The man who had fled. The man who had killed another friend. And then laughed.

Just stood there laughing like it was all a big joke. Like all he had done was put a invisibility charm around someone's head or a dungbomb in the Slytherin common room. As if it was all harmless. As if James and Lily weren't dead.

He poured himself another drink; he had to numb the feelings. The pain. He didn't want to feel anything. He didn't want to see Lily's face, hear her voice. Remember all the kindness she had shown him. She had proved herself to be the best of all of them, and now she was gone. Murdered. Slaughtered trying to protect her son.

But of all of them it was Peter he wanted to avoid thinking of.

Poor Peter. Stupid Peter. What had possessed him to take on Sirius alone? He had never been a match for him, never been good at duelling; or anything really. But he had finally proved all those unkind people who said he didn't deserve to be a Griffindor wrong.

Remus let out a long sigh. Trying to rid his mind of Peter's laughing face. He'd always been slightly unkind to Peter. They all had been. Infuriated at his occasional stupidity. His inability to stand up for himself. He'd been the outsider of the group. The after thought.

Remus knew if he'd have been there he might well be dead as well. Not just might be, but probably would be. Sirius had been the best dueller of all of them; he had a ruthlessness about him which meant he out performed even James.

James had been too kind, he liked supporting an under dog. He liked protecting people. Sirius had often berated him for not having a 'killer instinct'. This thought made Remus laugh out loud. He didn't care what he looked like, sitting alone in a room, drinking, laughing; hours after three of his best friends had died at the hands of the forth. It was the absurdness of it all. Sirius. All along it had been Sirius.

Ruthless Sirius with his killer instinct. Sirius who had cried with James when Harry had been born. Sirius who was Harry's Godfather.

Harry. Remus felt ashamed. He'd been wallowing in his own self pity and hadn't given Harry a moment's thought.

Harry was alone now. An orphan. He would never know Lily's beautiful laugh, never make James proud. Harry would now grow up with those stupid muggle relatives of Lily's. While he had lost his friends Harry had lost his family. Lost the loving home and parents who had died for him. Would he ever realise how much they had truly loved him?

Not now. Not thanks to his Godfather. The man entrusted with his well being. The man supposed to protect him from all harm. The man supposed to help guide him on the path to manhood. The man who had taken away his childhood.

'Why did you do it?' Remus silently asked the image of Sirius sitting opposite him. The image shrugged, tossing back his hair from his handsome face and smiled. Smiled that beautiful smile which had made many Hogwarts girls go weak at the knees and the morals.

Perhaps the muggle's were on to something; perhaps Sirius was a sociopath, or a psychopath or a psychotic... it was what the papers said; he was mad. He must have been to massacre Peter so horribly.

Taking another large gulp Remus felt his fingers begin to go numb. Hopefully his brain would soon follow. He couldn't get the image of Peter standing there, infront of Sirius, out of his brain.

Peter alone, face to face with Sirius. Crying. "Lily and James, Sirius! How could you?" Alone standing down one of the most dangerous wizards they knew. Remus could well believe Peter would be fool enough to think Sirius wouldn't hurt him. Remus would not have made that mistake. He should have been there. Should have been side by side with Peter. Confronting their old friend. James' murderer.

It was survivor's guilt. Dumbledore had said he would feel guilty for still being alive. But that didn't make it any easier. It didn't make Peter's death any more alone. Another gulp and maybe he would forget, so for a brief time he could push away the the image of Peter's face shinning with admiration, gazing up at Sirius and James.

But the numbness refused to enfold him. Refused to offer him peace. So he sat there still thinking of Peter and wondering if Sirius had stopped laughing yet.


	2. Sirius

**A/N: I don't own Harry Potter but I do own this story. Please read and review cause I'm always looking for ways to make it better. **

**anglecity thanks again, n your gonna give me a big head. I finished this and just needed to post it straight away cause I was so happy with it. Saying that, every1 will prob hate it...  
**

Remus shivered. It was freezing and raining sheets of icy water. Ducking inside ahead of Dumbledore he stopped at the sight of the three dementors standing infront of them.

This is for James, Lily and Peter. He reminded himself for the tenth time since he set out for Azkaban. He could still hear Dumbledore's arguments in his mind.

"We need to know. Who were the others? Who else did he betray? Where would Voldermort go if he was hurt? And above all you need to know why." Remus had been convinced by him that he was the only one who stood any chance of convincing him to talk. Truth serum had failed and so had the most skilled occlumenists to find anything from Sirius. They had found nothing but garbled memories of James and Lily.

He was brought back to the damp corridor in Azkaban by a cold shiver down his spine and the memory of his fathers death. Dumbledore nudged him forward. "They won't hurt you." He murmured and they walked past.

Dumbledore had taught him the Patronus charm which was the only defence against the dementors, this however didn't make him feel anymore happier about being there. On the godforsaken rock which now housed who used to be one of his closest friends.

He felt apprehensive. Nervous. Seeing Sirius for the first time since all the deaths. James, Lily, Peter. He was here for them.

To stop others and to understand why. Why Sirius had turned. He knew that when a wizard turned there was never any going back. Once he'd killed that was it. It was like a rotting apple, as soon as it took hold it wouldn't be long until the cancerous spread took it all and left it ruined. But why? Why had he betrayed the man he seemed to love like a brother? Why had he killed a man who only ever gave him pathetic adoration.

As they came closer he found his steps slowing. Seeing his door. Behind there was a man he had hoped never to see again. A man he had come to hate. A man he wanted dead with every fibre of his being. A man who had taken everything from him, the only friends he'd ever had. The only people who had looked past his 'furry little problem', just the thought of that phrase made him want to cry. It was what James had called it. James who had been his quiet champion. Reminding him he was human.

But then the door was opening and then he was through it, staring around. Letting his eyes become accustomed to the dark damp. Dumbledore closed the door behind him, waiting outside so he was alone with him. And there he was. Sitting on the floor in a corner. Staring at Remus.

Staring with those grey eyes. Eyes which looked like the stormy sky outside. He was wearing drab grey prison robes, his hair had grown unkempt and now hung lankly down to his ears. He had lost weight not just on his body but his face. He only just resembled the man Remus had known. It had only been two months.

"Aren't they feeding you?" He asked, not sure what else to say. What did you say to a former friend who had betrayed and murdered your other friends? What was the proper etiquette? Did you ask who he was? Did you chit chat before you asked why he had become a monster?

"Does it matter?" Sirius asked in a dead voice which was nothing like his old exuberant expression. "What do you want?" He asked in the same tone.

"I want to know why?" Remus sat on the stiff bench that was near the door, it was hard and cold.

Sirius shrugged, looking away. "Why what Remus?"

"Why what?" Remus stared at him. "You betrayed James and Lily! You caused their deaths. What else could I possibly mean?"

"I caused their deaths." Sirius murmured, he shrugged looking away.

"Okay. Fine. I'll let you ponder that one and we'll come back to it, I'll leave you to come up with a reason for practically murdering your best friend and his wife." He wanted to get a reaction. It would have been better if Sirius had been shouting and raving about being the dark lord's best and loyal servant or just gibbering in the corner. Anything would have been better than the cold dead voice and the appearance of total sanity. "Who else was in it? Who were the other Deatheaters?"

Sirius shrugged again. "Couldn't tell you Moony." This use of his old nickname made Remus jump up with fury.

"Don't you ever call me that again Black." He yelled, taking a step towards Sirius. But Sirius just looked up at him, his eyes blank.

"Look, _Lupin_. I don't know why they sent you here. Probably Dumbledore thinking you could get me to tell you things that truth serum and occlumens wouldn't." He sat up slightly, pulling his legs into his body. "I can't tell you anything old friend."

Remus turned his back on Sirius to hide his disgust. Those words were a reminder that he had trusted Sirius as much as James. As much as Peter.

He hadn't really really believed it. He'd been told it so many times but still, he hadn't truly, deep down thought Sirius capable of it. He'd half expected Sirius to plead his innocence and beg his help. He hadn't been sure how he'd have reacted to that, but now… Now he felt a deep emptiness inside him that he knew was the absence of hope.

"So you did it. You betrayed them and caused their deaths?" He turned looking Sirius in the eyes.

"Yes." Sirius murmured. Holding his gaze. And Remus believed him. He turned to leave, but just as he reached the door Sirius spoke again. "I thought of a reason."

"What?"

"Because James trusted me." He murmured behind him. "They died because he trusted me."

The dementors had no effect on him on the way out. His soul was already frozen by simple words.


End file.
